What Foster Parents Wish Others Knew

I happened upon an article entitled "What Foster Parents Wish Others Knew," and many of the points rang true for our family. We have encountered similar questions, comments, and sentiments. So I edited the article a little bit for our circumstances and wanted to share it here:

Foster Parents are not “special” or “saints” but are ordinary people. We are doing this because it needs doing. Many do it because the Lord expects it from His followers: “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (James 1:27). Some foster parents expand families this way, some do it for the pleasure of caring for a child, and some are compelled by the children of family or friends needing care. But all foster parents are the blessed ones – to care for precious children. The truth is the world needs more ordinary, human foster (and adoptive) parents.

Foster kids are not “fake kids,” and we are not babysitters. How children come into a family is not the point. While he is here he is our real son, he is our children’s brother. We love him entirely, treat him the way we do all our kids, and would never, ever forget him if he left.

Please be careful what you say around the kids (biological, adopted, and foster). Everyone is curious about the new baby in our home, and their excitement leads to lots of questions. Sometimes those questions are better asked when children are not present, such as: “Is the mom an addict?” or “Where’s his mom?” or “Do your kids like him?” We are truthful – yet careful – how we handle sensitive information with our children, and all our children love one another deeply. Just like you wouldn’t let someone talk “smack” about your mom or your brother, we are protective that way too.

Some questions should never be asked of foster parents. Some questions are hurtful, such as: “Doesn’t he have family who will take him?” or “What if the mom gets him back?” Those types of questions hurt, and honestly, foster parents don’t know the answers to speculation any more than you do. It seems that those questions are meant to stir up a reaction, and that’s not helpful considering all the raw emotions foster parents already have to deal with. In addition, many questions are private and foster parents aren’t allowed to reveal certain details.

Don’t hate on his parents. Birth and Foster parents often work really hard to have positive relationships with each other, so it doesn’t help to say ugly things about them. In fact, foster parents can have a sincere love and care toward the birth parents.

We don’t get paid. We don’t get government aid for being caretakers. Some foster parents can get a portion of the child’s expenses reimbursed, and that money is only for the child and does not cover everything.

When you say, “I could never do that,” it is hurtful. Letting kids go – and facing the reality that it might happen in our home – is really hard, but someone has to do it. It doesn’t make foster parents heartless or insensitive that they are able to endure it. Just because something is hard doesn’t make it bad, and no one is heartless for enduring pain for the greater good of their children. Any regular parent would put their children’s interests ahead of their own.

No, it’s not “official” yet. Lots of variables are at stake. The court system and government agencies are involved. This is a complicated process. It can take a long time. However, our hearts already feel “official,” and we are Mom and Dad regardless of a court order.

Everyone struggles sometimes. All parents struggle with parenting, but all parents deal with it no matter what. Saying or implying, “I told you so,” is never helpful. Yes, we knew that could happen. That doesn’t make it any easier.

Yes, we need help. Treat foster parents with a new placement the way you would a family that had a new baby – it is just as exciting! And of course, it is just as demanding, exhausting, and stressful. Most importantly, when you support foster families, you are showing compassion for orphans even if you are not able to foster or adopt.

Words of Comfort

These Words of the Lord have been a major comfort to me in the past few months. One day I hope to share openly about why these particular verses are so meaningful to me. But I can say that God is good all the time in every circumstance of our lives!

"Jesus said, 'Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak'" (Matt. 26:41). Watch and pray! Never give into the temptation that defeat is at hand. The Lord fights spiritual battles in the spiritual realm with His powerful armies for His own glory. When things look bleak, the Lord is still at work on His ultimate plan.

"He will guard the feet of His faithful ones, but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness for not by might shall a man prevail" (1 Samuel 2:9). Do not fight with might, instead fight on your knees in prayer. Trust that the Lord's purposes will prevail.

"Lord, you have made sure that children and infants praise you" (Matt. 21:16). The Lord will work out His purpose and He will be praised.

"When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him" (Proverbs 16:7). Do not be concerned with what others may think. Be obedient and let the Lord work out the heart matters of others.

Love Hurts: Lessons I've Learned in Love

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:12-13

In life I’ve learned tough lessons about love – more specifically, love for the unlovable. Loving my husband, my children, and friends who love me back is an easy task. It’s a natural response. I have learned that true love – the love that comes from the Lord - is a wonderful, marvelous thing that overcomes a multitude of wrongs. I have also learned that when we demonstrate love the way Jesus wants us to, it usually doesn’t look or feel the way we want it to.

Here are some hard lessons I’ve learned about true love:

True love may not be reciprocated. We can love someone with all our hearts and never feel love in return. But is it true love if we expect something in return?

True love may appear as naivety. When we show love despite the circumstances, we may feel used, deceived, or naive. But is it true love if we withhold grace and mercy in the most desperate of times?

True love may hurt. When we open our hearts to love someone, the end result may not be happily ever after. But is it true love if we are seeking personal happiness?

True love may feel vulnerable. To love someone means we have to put down our guard, be authentic to build a relationship, and lay aside time and energy that we will never get back. But is it true love if we aren’t willing to lay down our lives?

Demonstrating true love can be a great joy when we look to the Giver of Love, Jesus Christ, and trust in His goodness. Here are some Truths about true love that offer hope and joy:

We can offer true love because it was first offered to us when we didn’t deserve it. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (Ephesians 2:4-5).

True love can endure hardship and distress because we have been given eternal hope and joy through salvation in Christ. I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul (Psalm 31:7).

There is a great reward for showing true love even to our enemies. If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them (Luke 6:32).

We do not have to rely on our own strength and determination to demonstrate true love. God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us (Romans 5:5).

Around the same time that I was reflecting on the hardships of true love, my husband read to me an excerpt from Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest:

Are you ready to be not so much as a drop in a bucket – to be so hopelessly insignificant that you are never thought of again in connection with the life you served? Are you willing to spend and be spent; not seeking to be ministered unto, but to minister?

I believe this is the same with true love. True love does not seek attention, reward, recognition, nor anything in return. In fact, we should expect the same results that Jesus received when He demonstrated His love: persecution, humiliation, denial, and rejection. Love hurts, but it also never fails.

My Name is Mary Magdalene

Hi, My name is Mary Magdalene. I will never forget the day I met Jesus. Before I met him I was worse than an outcast…you see, I had been possessed by 7 evil demons. I was out of control. I was not seeking the Messiah like many others had been. I was living a life fully consumed by the work of Satan. He had me in his grip so tight that no one could save me. I was hopeless. Everyone I knew wrote me off and left me to suffer in my bondage. Until, I met the man Jesus, because He had the power to set me free. With authority he spoke and cast out the demons on that very day! I was finally set completely free just by the power of his word! Everyone had said it was impossible, and right then I knew this man Jesus was the Son of God. He was the promised Messiah, and he had found me. He had worked an impossible miracle in my life and he saved me. From that moment my only response was to devote the rest of my life to him and his ministry. Along with the 12 disciples and several other women, I followed Jesus and offered help with anything he needed as he went from town to town. I witnessed him work many more miracles in the lives of others. He continued to teach and speak with such authority. Sometimes I did not understand the things that he said, like when he ran the money exchangers and vendors out of the temple courts with a whip, and then he said to them, “Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in 3 days.” I did not understand, and neither did the other Jews among us because it had taken 46 years to build that temple! But in time I would come to understand.

Then came the day when Jesus was arrested. It seemed inevitable as some in the crowds around him became more hostile about his teachings, especially the teachers of the law. But what happened next I could not understand. From a distance I watched as the man who had spoken with such authority and who worked miracles and who had rescued me, and I watched as he was nailed to a cross. What shame I felt for I knew he took the punishment that I deserved. I had followed this man and I had never once seen him sin. He had compassion and he had healed the sick and blind, he fed thousands, he calmed seas and fears and he even raised a dead man to life. I was confused and broken when I watched his hands and feet nailed to that cross. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t work a miracle that day by the authority of his voice like he had done so many times before. And then right before he breathed his last breath, the sun completely stopped shining right in the middle of the day. And then Jesus cried out to the Almighty God and then he died. I sat at the foot of the cross weeping and bewildered. In my grief I begged for answers as to why he was taken away from us – away from me! Surely his work was not done here!

Then early on the morning after the Sabbath, on the 3^rd day after his death, Jesus’ mother and I went to the tomb to anoint His body. As we were going to the tomb we felt a violent earthquake and an angel of the Lord came down from heaven. I could hardly believe my eyes. So easily the angel rolled back the huge stone that blocked the tomb, and then he sat on it. We were scared to death! The guards even shook and fell to the ground for fear. Then the angel said to Mary and me, “Do not be afraid. I know you are looking for Jesus. He is not here. He is risen!” And I looked in the tomb and sure enough there was no body in there. The angel then told us to go quickly and tell the others that he is risen and he is going ahead of us to Galilee. So Mary and I ran – our hearts filled with fear and with joy all at the same time. We ran to tell the disciples everything we’d seen and what the angel said. But then Jesus himself met us on the way. He said, “Hello!” I could recognize that voice anywhere! I immediately fell on my face and worshipped him – my Lord! He is alive! He had rebuilt the temple on the 3^rd day just as he’d said! He had defeated death and I knew from that day forward I’d never be apart from my Lord Jesus because not even death could keep me away from him for all eternity.

He is Alive! He is Risen!!

You're the One...

You're the one who conquers giants
You're the one who calls out kings
You shut the mouths of lions
You tell the dead to breathe
You're the one who walks through fire
You take the orphan's hand
You are the one Messiah
You are I Am
("You Are I Am" by Mercy Me)

I'm glad He's the One who can do the impossible!

Doubtful Prayer

"Sometimes God demonstrates His love to a reluctant servant who offers up a doubtful prayer." 

I'm grateful for Jesus who perfectly presents our petitions before a holy God on our behalf. My prayers often sound so weak and feeble. But He listens, and He responds.

My Triad

Back before we rang in 2012, my dear loving husband told me - I mean downright insisted - that I take a few hours to myself to write down personal goals for this year and up to 5 years down the road. That sounded a lot overwhelming to me and not really a task I wanted to do. If I was given a few hours to myself I could definitely come up with a lot more interesting things to do (i.e., massage, pedicure, read a book, sleep). But because he asked so nicely (insisted so nicely), and because he equipped me with some nifty tools, this girl could not resist. The tools came in the form of a 1-hour long podcast, 5 printed pages of questions, and a spreadsheet. That was one of the most romantic things he has ever done! Really though, it showed me he still loves me a bunch and desires to hear my every thought and dream.

I took one afternoon to oblige my sweet Dearie. And amazingly I soon realized that I have some awesomely cool ideas for our family's future! I'm not trying to brag, but the ideas were cool to me because I didn't even realize they were trapped inside my head until I was commanded to go and think and ponder and record my thoughts. Wow! I still have thoughts in there, which proves I still have some brain cells after 4 consecutive pregnancies in a relatively short period of time.

Maybe one day I will share my ideas here, but I'm still a little shy about sharing them all. I have this weird fear of writing things down, or voicing them, if there is a slight chance they may not come true. It's this weird thought that I won't experience failure if I live in denial. I bet Freud would've loved to pick my brain! And, not to mention, my brother told me this past weekend that he could “virtually hear my brain shut out thoughts that were not black and white - there's no gray with you, is there Emily?!" Well, haha! Jokes on you because I have a daughter whose middle name is Gray! I like gray. I wear a lot of gray. I'm wearing it right now by the way. It's a great neutral color, but it's not a good color for thoughts most of the time.

Back to what I was saying...I completed my soul-searching, goal-setting homework assigned by my husband. One of the tasks was to fill in a spreadsheet schedule that was Sunday through Saturday, and broken into hourly increments for the full 24-hour day. Turns out my spreadsheet was completely full every day between the hours of 8 a.m. and 11 p.m. I allocated at least 9 hours for sleep, which rarely happens in succession. I soon realized that I really and truly have time for 3 main things in my life: husband, children, and Jesus. In order to put anything else on my spreadsheet would mean one of those three relationships would have to be compromised. I’m not cool with that. Hence, the Triad was born! Now, I screen things through my Triad. Do specific obligations help, or hinder, me being able to meet the responsibilities of my Triad? I only need to be devoted to three things: my husband, my kids, and my Jesus.

I appreciate my husband making me put it all into perspective. For now, I have a simpler way of screening what items should appear on my to-do lists. So next time someone requests my assistance, I will ask myself, “does it fit into my Triad?”

Daughters, A Must-Read!

If you are a daughter, have a daughter, know a daughter, have a son who will marry a daughter then you must read this amazing article about modesty. The readers' comments below the article are enlightening as well. Many of us have probably missed the mark on this issue with ourselves and with teaching our daughters (and sons).

I used to believe modesty was a balance somewhere between pride and shame. I thought you should find a happy medium, a point where you aren't focusing so much on your appearance that it becomes pride (trying to earn favor with God through dress). But also not being motivated by fear of my femininity and trying to cover it up out of shame. I've probably spent a great deal of my days contemplating the midpoint on the modesty continuum. If on the modesty axis Pride is point X and Shame is point Y, then we are not even on the right axis. Turns out, modesty is not about finding a happy medium between those two points of sin, because it's not a point at all. But rather, it's the whole graph - it's about the glory of God! The aim in modesty should be to minimize our own glory, and direct focus on the Glory of God who is in all things, above all things, and creator of all things. Should it surprise me that it's about the glory of God? No. But sometimes we all get our motives off course and need a friendly nudge to get back on course.

Correct Me If I'm Wrong (and I'm rarely wrong)

Just joking on the title! Ha ha, funny, funny. But, really. I'm going out on a limb here, and correct me if I'm wrong. Has Easter Sunday become more like Mercedes Benz Fashion Week? If you go out into the various retail stores, and into a church on Easter Sunday, you might begin to believe that it is. Most everyone has become accustomed to the secular Easter equation: Bunnies + Eggs + Baby Chicks = Easter. It's fun watching the kids run across the yard hunting for eggs (weird tradition by the way). And then when they crack open the egg they find not a yolk but a bunch of sugar and chocolate (did I mention how weird that tradition is?). But seriously, another tradition that bothers me more because it is so popular, and expected, in church among Christians is the parade of Easter frock. It bothers me when the focus of this hugely important day of remembrance turns into a day to unveil a new summery, floral dress, sparkly new shoes, and coordinating handbag. Don't get me wrong. I'm a girl and I innately love all these lovely things. But if I'm not careful, my head and heart during the days and weeks leading up to Easter can drift more toward "What am I going to wear on this big day?" instead of "Praise you Jesus for victory over sin and death!" Therefore, I decided months ago, in a way to protect my straying heart and mind, that I would forgo purchasing any Easter-wear for myself and children. We will still be respectful and wear appropriate clothing to church - Schaeffer believes his Batman shirt is his "Sunday best." But, no new clothing for us. I will wait until it all goes on clearance the week after.

~As an aside, BJ and I were discussing Easter a few weeks ago. He said, "You know how people tailgate and camp out in the parking lot of the stadium before the Super Bowl? Well, since Easter is like the Super Bowl for Christians why don't we camp out and tailgate on Saturday night in the church parking lot?!" I love my hubby and his wildly crazy ideas. I honestly believe he would do it. Maybe next year when Charlotte is a bit older we can consider an all-night Easter tailgate party.~

A School Year in Review - Many Praises!

(Grab yourself a cup of coffee - this is a long one!)

Whew! Just 4 more weeks of school left before summer break and before we wrap up Lily's first year of school. In a lot of ways it has flown by. In a lot of other ways it has painfully dragged on. This year we faced a lot of challenges (and we continue to face some) that has tried to drag us down, slow our momentum, block our way. But we are prevailing in this first year of homeschool (with the help of a God-sent co-op program).

The year started off with Lily getting glasses just before school began. Her vision was worse than 20/400 in both eyes - that's beyond legally blind! And after a few months into school, and a few months into wearing her glasses, her vision strengthened to 20/70 with her glasses - still legally blind (considered low vision) but strong enough for her to succeed in school with no visual impairment aids. My little girl is a trooper! Now her vision with her glasses is 20/25 in both eyes. Dr. G is striving for 20/20 or better and he tells me we will get there by the time she is age 10-12 years old and that's without glasses. Praise Jesus that Lily's vision problem is completely correctable!

Just two months into school my pregnancy with Charlotte turned risky with threats of pre-term labor. I was sidelined many days with contractions coming 4-6 times an hour. When those occured I had to lay down and rest and hope they calmed down. School was placed on the back burner on many days. I was on medication and restricted activity to control the contractions. Praise Jesus that the pregnancy went full term and Charlotte is a happy, healthy, little girl!

And then a week before Christmas, Lily fell and broke her arm. This involved an overnight stay in the hospital and surgery the next morning to place pins in her arm and install a cast. She wore her cast for 3 weeks. During that time she struggled to bathe, dress herself, get comfy in bed to sleep, do school work, and many other things. We lost even more time doing school. Despite this hurdle, praise Jesus that Lily was able to keep up with her learning and continued to grow in her knowledge of math, reading, writing, science and social studies!

Just a few weeks ago Lily faced another hurdle when we were instructed to place drops in Lily's eyes to dilate them 3 days before her next eye exam. I don't know the exact reason this is needed, but Dr. G gave the orders and we followed them. Unfortunately, dilated eyes become very blurry and especially with vision up close. This added another challenge with school work. Her vision remained blurry for at least a week following her eye exam. We made some accommodations to help Lily see her school work. At home I wrote all her lessons very large on a dry erase board. We skipped handwriting lessons that week because it was a huge frustration for her. It was apparent that she couldn't see the lines on her handwriting paper. For her days at school, I transposed all the problems on her worksheets onto plain white paper with a very large, bold Sharpie marker. Her teacher said it really seemed to help her. Praise Jesus we got through that week and Lily even got a cute new pair of purple glasses with a new lower prescription (+6.50 instead of +7.50 as before).

During this school year, and even before then, we have observed Lily having problems with certain things. These problems have become more pronounced with the added expectations of having to learn to read and write and remember facts and processes. Her teacher at River's Edge is noticing and now even the room moms are noticing what we've observed for many months now. After being strongly advised by our pediatrician, we took Lily to be evaluated. The results are not complete yet because we still lack a language/auditory evaluation, but the preliminary results are pointing to dyslexia or some sort of auditory processing disorder. We praise Jesus for placing in our path the most fabulous, experienced, intuitive, knowledgeable, kind-hearted Occupational Therapist this side of the Mississippi! Her name is Mrs. Kathy. She explained that these initial evaluations are a process of elimination. Lily scored on a 5-year-old level for visual integration and a 4-year-old level for visual-motor integration. She is 6 years old. The language/auditory eval next week will help us get a fuller picture of what could be causing the delays. Kathy is familiar with Lily's history since she worked with her 3 years ago when she was going through feeding therapy and occupational therapy due to sensory processing disorder. Kathy observed that Lily could use a little bit more help in maturing the nervous system in regards to the vestibular system. Sensory therapy is an amazing thing! If you've never dealt with this sort of thing, it will blow your mind how complex the brain and nervous system are and how certain activities can greatly affect a child whose nervous system lags behind in development. I cannot explain it, but I'm so grateful to God for placing the right people in our path who have a very deep and thorough understanding of this and who have devoted their lives to helping "sensory" children. We praise Jesus that we will be on top of these issues before they cause major frustration and delays in Lily's abilities at school!

We look forward to summer break! I foresee lots of outdoor adventures and some lazy days (for the kids that is. I'm way too busy with 4 kids to relax). I was making small talk with the wife of our co-op's administrator today, Mrs. Moe. She spoke such truth, and I'm certain she didn't even know it was what I needed today. As she was walking away she said, "the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" (1 John 4:4). This verse has resounded in my heart and soul all day as I have struggled with a mixture of thoughts and emotions about our first year of homeschool. Some of these thoughts and emotions are from the deceiver himself, some are from my weak sin-nature, and some are from the heart of a mom. I praise Jesus for surrounding us with amazing people who bring encouragement, understanding, and words of Truth at just the right time!

A New Blogger Friend

I wanted to direct your attention to some friends, the Ellis'. I am so excited for them as they traverse the adoption journey.

P.S. Thanks for all the uplifting messages left in the comments from "I need to know...". It is so helpful to know that I am not alone, especially on a day when I felt like an island unto myself. I spent some time in prayer and asked God for calmness of spirit, peace, and understanding of how to deal with each individual little-person living under our roof. He fulfilled my requests and today was much better. Love all my sister-mommies out there!

I need to know...

I need to know that I'm not alone. Today was tough. I am not going to lie. All four kiddos were especially rotten or demanding today. I won't go into all the details but generally they were all acting their ages: Lily (6), Schaeffer (3), Griffin (almost 2), and Charlotte (2 months). With days like today, I need to know I'm not the only one who...
...sometimes wants to throw in the towel and give up on this parenting thing.
...wonders if my voice is being heard over all the craziness in our home.
...has sat in the middle of the floor and cried out of frustration.
...lost my temper and raised my voice one too many times.
...locked my bedroom door and got into the shower just to drown out the demanding cries for just a few minutes.
...wonders how I'm going to start another morning with a happy positive attitude on only 4 hours of sleep.
...begs for just a 2 hour break that doesn't involve thinking, reading, correcting, or wiping.
...has forgotten to take photos of the fourth child and then has realized she is 2 months old already.
...is avoiding making any more appointments, promises, or anything else that would require a commitment of my time.
...is missing alone time with a neglected husband.
...feels guilty for not doing more today.
...hopes to read a good book again one day.
...is envious of people who tell me of their amazing "quiet times" with God and then feel guilty over my sin of envy.
...embraces any moment that brings me to my knees in prayer and then calls it a daily devotion.
...has researched how much a nanny costs.

Just Today

Now that Charlotte and I are getting all settled in at home, my mantra has been "just today." It helps me focus on what's going on today, not tomorrow, not next week. Just today. It's easy to begin worrying over tomorrow and how I will possibly manage this household on my own when BJ returns to work in a week and a half. But, just today.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:34). God knows me all too well and has given me everything I need for each moment. I love Him and thank Him for His perfect thoughtfulness and provisions.

Thrift Store Fashion

One of my favorite memories from college was going thrift shopping with BJ at local thrift stores such as Goodwill, Salvation Army, and AmVets. Sometimes we found nothing on these adventures, and sometimes we racked up. Back in my college days I worked about 20-30 hours per week waiting tables to earn enough money to pay for college tuition, books, car payment ($175/mo), and gas. I lived at home with my parents which saved me from having to pay room/board and meals. I went the entire 4.5 years to school without acquiring student loans. Yay for me! But after all those expenses on a server's income, I had very little left over for clothing, shoes, and accessories. And since I was a young college girl, afterall, clothing, shoes and accessories were still a necessity. On top of it, I hadn't completely snagged my husband yet. BJ and I were just dating so I still had to be on my best behavior and look cute.

The only way I could afford to go clothing shopping was to buy things on the clearance rack at Walmart (not so fun) or find unique stuff at thrift stores (much more fun and creative). On our thrift store outings, I remember finding cute, comfy, broken-in Levi jeans (I was in college from 1994-1998). I also found some funky jackets and coats in plaid tweed. One of my best finds was a like-new Kelty backpack which I used all through college to haul my 500-pound textbooks. Occasionally, I would find cute tops, skirts, dresses, shorts, purses, etc. It always brought me joy to load up a grocery bag or two with fun finds for only $10. Just a few years ago BJ finally tossed out a pair of pants he purchased while thrifting. The pants were definitely worn out by then, but it was one of his favorite pairs to wear around the house. Honestly he would probably still have those pants if he hadn't have lost 50 pounds and could still wear them.

I miss my thrifting days. It's difficult to do thrift shopping with little ones because it requires patience as you dig through racks and racks of clothes and stuff. And you have to keep an open mind about what you hope to find. You probably cannot go with a shopping list. I akin thrift shopping to oil painting - you know what end result you are trying to acheive, but you may not get there without being open-minded and creative. And then in the end what you acheive may be quite different than what you imagined but you feel good about it when it all comes together. And, you can be assured it will be a one-of-a-kind. For instance, you may head out trying to find a floral skirt or dress, but instead you find a cute jacket that inspires you to go searching for some vintage jewelry and accessories to make it work with a shirt and pair of pants you already own. The end result is fabulous but totally different than your original plan.

Recently I've heard a lot about re-styling, re-purposing, re-using, re-ducing, and re-cycling to be a better steward of our environment. I'm not against being a good steward, but back in the days when I did thrifting, there wasn't a lot of media chatter about "going green." Now thrifting seems to be a political statement. For me thrifting is about getting stuff for cheap and knowing that I am helping some charities in the meantime. One day I hope to do more thrift shopping. I like the creativity it unlocks in my head.

The Pressure is Mounting

The pressure is mounting, and I mean that literally. Boy am I feeling some pressure lately! The contractions continue to be frequent all day and all night. I feel like I've been in labor for four months now. Exhausting! Tomorrow, Wednesday, I get to stop taking the medications which have slowed down and weakened the contractions. And then we get to wait and see what happens. I am 35 weeks tomorrow and Dr. B would not go to any great lengths to stop labor at this point. I've fought this preterm labor jive long and hard, and I hope Charlotte holds on until at least 36 weeks but its now time to set the contractions free and see what progress occurs.

As of last week I was 50% effaced and not yet dilated. I would have to guess that things have changed this week. I have been taking my meds around the clock and it has been somewhat effective. But the contractions have not stopped over the past 3 weeks as they had about 4 weeks ago when I actually experienced a bit of relief. The contractions have noticeably picked up and are steady. Last night I had them every 10-12 minutes for 3 hours before they tapered off and I was then able to sleep...after 3 a.m. Like I said - exhausting!

Preterm labor is physically and mentally exhausting. As the word denotes, "labor" is just that. As the contractions get closer, like every 10 minutes, I begin getting hot and sometimes sweat as if I'm doing a workout even when I'm relaxing in bed. My body gets tired and some of my muscles get weak and sore. I notice my upper leg muscles begin to weaken and get shaky making it difficult to stand for a period of time. My back aches and my neck muscles get tense from the stress.

When I was first diagnosed with preterm labor around 22 weeks, each contraction was scary. I knew the baby's chance of survival would be slim. When I hit 30 weeks I was more at ease but still concerned about her being born too early. And now here I am at 35 weeks. I've been given permission to stop taking medication, but I've had a difficult time relaxing because I'm still trying to accept the fact that the contractions are now okay. Contractions like this, and being 50% effaced, are somewhat normal at 35 weeks. So now I'm trying to breath and relax through each one, remembering that it is good, important, and necessary. This week I've found myself trying to be more busy so that I'm not focused on each labor pain. Again, it is so mentally taxing. And then I wonder if I'll notice when it's time to head to the hospital. My biggest clue would be my water breaking. But as for these contractions, they have made themselves so much at home with me that I'm not sure I'll even notice when they pick up. Dr. B would have me call him when they get 5 minutes apart. I've learned to hate clocks! I've spent way too many hours the past four months checking the clock and wondering if today would be the day. Tonight and tomorrow, and possibly the next few weeks will be more of the same -- waiting, wondering, checking the clock.

That Kind of Mom

BJ was bringing to my attention the other day that I've turned into that kind of mom. You know, the mom who drives a mini van, home schools her kids, has lots of babies, exclusively breastfeeds them till at least 12 months, diapers them in cloth, and sometimes makes my own natural beauty products from food ingredients. Yikes! I guess I have turned into that kind of mom. But then he reminded me that I'm also that kind of mom who carries a Coach bag, wears Versace sunglasses, and carries a Droid. Perhaps I am that kind of mom, too. I guess I'll always be my own kind of mom...and a bit superficial.

What I'm Reading Now

This one will probably take me the rest of the summer to get through. It's called The Well-Trained Mind: A Guide to Classical Education at Home written by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise. Thanks to my dear friend Chris who highly recommended this book. Here's a nice summary of its purpose (Amazon website):

Two veteran home educators outline the classical pattern of education—the trivium—which organizes learning around the maturing capacity of the child's mind. With this model, you will be able to instruct your child in all levels of reading, writing, history, geography, mathematics, science, foreign languages, rhetoric, logic, art, and music, regardless of your own aptitude in those subjects.

Although I've only begun reading this epic-sized book, I can already see how it's going to give me confidence to tackle home education. Even as trained educators for institutionalized education, these authors get straight to the point by emphasizing that parents are more than capable of homeschooling their own children. There's no need to have an early childhood development or educational psychology background in order to educate your own children. I'm so glad to know that since my educational and professional background are merely a bachelor's degree in Business Administration and about 5 years with a Fortune 500 corporation. Funny how homeschooling is making me more nervous than the days when I faced a room full of business professionals or when I wrote talking points for the CEO before he gave a speech or made a company-wide announcement. How can facing my three little ones with an elementary level book with ABC's be more intimitading than that? But it truly is! I have one shot at this and I want to get it right. This is way more important to me than all the work I did with a corporation. This is lasting...this is a legacy!

I'll give a virtual back pat to the first person who can point out the misspelling on Amazon's page about this book!